Lets Talk About Sex...
When Jaylen and I met for the first time we were leaving our Thursday night bible study at church. Yall at this time of my life I wasn't looking for a relationship. I was sold on using my singleness to grow closer to God and to further my career. Honey I was already planning my date nights with just me and God lol, I surely wasn't thinking about getting into another relationship. I had come to such a place of peace and contentment with my singleness that I wasn't even worried about not having a man. I just wanted to honor God. In fact I had already told my coach and made up in my heart that I was going to be single and I was done wasting my time entertaining people I didn't see a future with. But little did I know, God had different plans for me. This reminds me of the scripture in proverbs when it says " In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. (proverbs 16:9 niv) See in my heart and in my mind I was already planning my singleness, I had no idea what God was about to do in my life. My husband approached me that night and we sort of hit it off right away. One thing that attracted me so much to my husband was his heart for people and his honesty. Another reason I was so attracted to my husband was because we shared the same beliefs. As we were growing to know one another we recognized that we both had desires of saving ourselves for marriage. When I say we were saving ourselves for marriage that means we weren't going to have sex until he put a ring on it and made me his wife. I was already a little over two years into being celibate, so yeah he really caught my attention with that one.
You may be thinking why? Why did you guys decide to stay celibate until marriage? Great question, I thought you would never ask.
Our decision to not have sex before marriage was mainly because of our commitment to God. Once you understand the damage you can cause yourself and also someone else by having sex outside of marriage it becomes a game changer for you. In 1Corinthians 6:12-20 it tells us that the body was not meant for sexual immorality but it was meant for the Lord. It even takes it much further and tells us that when we have sex, we are becoming one with the person we are joining our bodies together with, the two will become one flesh. Yes! yall literally become united as one person. It also talks about when you have sex outside of marriage you are sinning against your own body! Which has the potential to lead to a whole bunch of other things such as diseases, soul ties, emotional, and physical trauma. Hun its so many levels to this when you are stepping outside of the will of God. That's why God warns us over and over again in His word to stay away from sexual immorality. Once you understand the character of God it wont be such a burden to honor him with your body. You have to understand that all good things come from God and he will not withhold anything good from his children. He tells and warns us to stay away from certain things that are going to cause us harm. He cares for us and he want us to live our lives blessed and in full abundance, which means under His will and His authority. Hun, sex is a beautiful thing and God created it to be enjoyed , but under the right circumstances. The right circumstance is in a marriage between a man and woman. Our mission from the very beginning was to stay in the will of God and to give our relationship the chance to do things the way God wanted us to do them.
Blessings come from God's love, mercy, grace and his faithfulness, but also through our obedience to his Word. Psalm 1:1-3 "Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, whose leaf does not wither, whatever they do prospers". That leads me into talking about some of the benefits that I experienced through this decision to wait until marriage to have sex.
Okay so I noticed some great things that came from this decision. One of the main benefits was we both had the chance to honor God in our body and to grow closer to Him. Saving yourself for marriage is not an easy thing to do , so you have to truly cling on to God to help you carry it out. Flesh is flesh and we all know once emotions get involved sex becomes much more tempting. I also had the opportunity to truly get to know my husband for exactly who he was. We weren't having sex so we didn't have the physical taking away from us getting to know one another. In all of my past relationships that were physical we spent a lot less time communicating and a lot more time getting physical. With that being said it took me less time to know exactly who I was dealing with. We also had the chance to connect so deeply emotionally, and spiritually. Doing relationships the way God wants you to comes with promises. God said " Those who honor me I will honor, but those who despise me will be disdained. (1Samuel 2:30). Yall, you cannot expect God to bless something that he's not in. And that Goes far beyond just relationships. Obey me, and I will be your God and you will be my people. Walk in obedience to all I command you, that it may go well with you. (Jeremiah 7:19). There are guarantee promises directly attached to your obedience. And we know that all of God promises are good.
One thing we realized that if we were going to do this the right way and be able to carry out our decision we needed to add in some boundaries to the relationship. We had our relationship boundaries and also our personal ones. Boundaries are one of those things that can be tough but very necessary. Boundaries gave us a better chance at being successful. We set our boundaries from the very beginning. We understood that we both had been in relationships prior where there weren't any boundaries sets and because of that it wasn't very successful. Since this relationship was going to be different we had to put some rules in place. Some of our boundaries were not kissing a certain way. We knew our turn on points and we had to avoid them. Once the relationship had gotten more serious I had to stray away from certain ways of kissing. Another boundary we set was we understand that we weren't going to even try one another. Our minds were on building a strong foundation with each other that we could take into marriage with. If you are going to do relationships God's way, I highly recommend setting boundaries and not allowing someone to make you compromise. Understanding the areas you're weak in is beneficial because you can protect yourself from falling victim to them.
One thing I want you guys to understand is that you can start over. Don't ever think you are too far gone for you to start honoring God in your relationship. God doesn't care about the condition you come to Him in, He just want you to come to him. Once you make up in your heart to honor God in your body and with your relationship you give him room to make change within you. So I encourage every person that comes across this blog, to reflect and to make the necessary changes to honor God in your relationship. The benefits and also the promises of God are all worth it.
Do you not know that your bodies are temples for the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. (1Corinthians 6:19-20)