Living a life of belittlement had made its way into my life at a young age. Self love didn't exist within me, I always found fault in myself and my gifts. In my mind I would always be in comparison with other women. I would see other women and think to myself "my life would be so much better if I was like her". I was very critical of my looks, my body, my gifts, etc. Through my eyes nothing about myself was ever good enough. Even when people would express to me how amazing they thought I was, it wasn't something that was internal so it was of no benefit. As a result of living a life without self love I found myself very jealous and envious of other women. It became detrimental to my relationships with my friends especially. It literally affected every aspect of my life. I started trying to be someone I thought others would love. I started doing things I wasn't comfortable with but for the sake of wanting people to love me I did them anyway. I thought if I was prettier, if I had more money, if I was a better athlete, then that void on the inside of me would be filled. But then it all changed....
" I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Pslam 139:14
I had to dig deep within myself and really take a step back to appreciate how awesome I am created. I literally had to spend time being alone to find out who I was and not the person I tried to portray to other people. What I found out was that I had no reason to be in comparison, or jealous or envious of others because I am made nothing short of amazing. You see God created me the way that I am intentionally for MY purpose while on this earth. No one else's accomplishments, success, beauty, happiness can take away from ME. Once I understood that, I started to appreciate me for who I am. Every element, every detail, every flaw, about me is simply appreciated and wonderful. That internal love began to grow within me and it changed my life. It changed my perspective on who I am, what I deserve, my relationships with others, my internal happiness, and other areas.
If you are reading this and are going through something similar let me tell you something, you are enough and everything about you is made to perfection. Honey, don't let that lie dwell on the inside of you because it is NOT real. Don't let the enemy come and take away your joy and love for yourself because you are God's creation, and he only creates masterpieces. Sis, every detail about you is unique and much appreciated and needed in this world. You don't have to fall into that life of comparison, jealousy, or envy because it will literally rob you of your happiness. It will make you feel like you are failing and nothing you are doing is good enough but that is a complete lie. It will take away from your gifts and talents because trying to be someone else is not authentic. Learn to love yourself and not just the good but also your flaws because that is what makes you YOU. Unique, beautiful, gifted, talented, respectable, wise, weird, compassionated, pure, gentle, kind, strong, selfless, and loving, THATS YOU.
" You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way." Song of Solomon 4:7
" It is not fancy hair, gold jewelry, or fine clothes that should make you beautiful. No, your beauty should come from inside you- the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. that beauty will never disappear and it is worth very much to God." 1 peter 3:3-4
~ Dez Bryant