I remember it like it was yesterday, the summer of 2009 where my life changed. It was within seconds after seeing her that I began to feel something for another woman. At the time I was only 16 years old, just a little girl in high school. Prior to seeing her I had never thought about another woman. So yes, confusion arose in my mind because I had no idea where all of these emotions were coming from. The emotions I felt started to get stronger the more I tried to fight it, the more I thought about it. It was very hard at the time because I would literally see this girl almost everyday at track practice. So after about a month I gave in to the emotions and began to have a intimate relationship with her. During this stage of my life I did not have a christian foundation. But something on the inside of me felt that having a relationship with another woman wasn't right. It never felt right from the beginning but I stayed in the relationship because at the time that's what my emotions wanted. After a few months I fell deeper into the lifestyle and tried my best to hide it as long as possible from family and friends. But eventually everyone around me started to find out, and I began to feel embarrassed, but I was too deep to end it. Once my family found out some of them had mixed emotions about it, and some were not happy with it. I would always tell my friends that I was not gay I just liked this one girl, and if it didn't work out I was done with women (silly rabbit lol). But the reality of it I was gay and when that relationship ended there were about 5 or 6 other woman after her. About five years later I was still having relations with both men and woman.
After the death of my two brothers I started to attend church consistently in the year of 2013. I didn't officially get born again (saved) until the beginning of 2014 while still in college. At the time I got saved I was still gay and I was going to church with the woman I was sleeping with ( yeah I was that bad lol). It seem as if every time I would attend church on Sundays and Wednesday the pastor was speaking directly to my situation. The conviction on the inside of me increased tremendously as I started to desire a real relationship with God. It was no longer just a feeling that it was wrong, but something on the inside of me began to undoubtedly KNOW it was wrong. So that being said I reached out to some friends at the time that I thought were followers of Christ, and they already knew my situation. They expressed to me that God wanted me to be happy, and He knew my heart so it didn't really matter whether or not I was gay. They preached that I had been saved already so that is what mattered most (once saved always saved). So I accepted their advice because my knowledge about Christ was very slim to none. But after a few more weeks something just didn't sit well with me and I cut off the relationship I had with the woman. At the time I didn't quite understand everything but I knew that God was leading me to cut that relationship off.
See the amazing thing about God is at the moment you are saved He meets you at the place you are in your life. As you began to start your relationship with God he then has the authority to peel off the layers in your life that are contrary to his word. He starts to mold and shape you into who He really called you to be. What I learned is the things I was taught in the past about God just wanting me to be happy, and that it didn't matter if I was gay or not was completely false. No my friend God wants us to live a life that's pleasing in his sight and free from sin. You cannot live a life in sin and still think that God is okay with your disobedient actions. Once you are saved you are no longer enslaved to sin, you are free. Initially you may not know everything but once you are saved you have the capacity to learn. See what I had to do is renew my mind and continue to trust that God will transform me as i continued to seek after Him. It was not an easy process for me but nothing worth having is every a quick fix. I had to be very patient and intentional with wanting to grow and be a better person. See I started from zero knowledge about Christ so I had a ton of learning to do and learning never ends.
I get a ton of questions about temptation and if I ever experience it and how to overcome. So i'll touch on it just a little bit. One thing that we have to understand is that we live in a world that is full of temptation. As long as we are alive on this earth we will always be tempted to sin. When Jesus was in the flesh he was also tempted, so what makes us think that we won't be tempted as well?! But I also know that Jesus conquered all temptation, mind,body, and soul. There is no temptation that we ever experience that Jesus did not already conquer. So that being said I know that I have the same ability to conquer any temptation that may come my way. So do I get tempted? Yes! absolutely but that is just the world we live in. This temptation is no different from being tempted to have sex, drink or do drugs etc. The best way to overcome it is to speak the word over it and just don't do it.
If this is your current situation please do not think that I in any way, shape, or form hate you. I love you and I have walked in your shoes my friend. I have experienced everything that you are going through and that is why I decided to write on this topic. I have been there, that use to be my lifestyle and I always felt that I was stuck in it. I asked God for his help because I wanted out but never thought it was possible. I know that it is a very touchy topic but I also know the freedom that you can have in Christ once you understand who you are. Here are just a few scripture that I pulled out the Word for a little encouragement;
"This poor man cried out, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles."
"Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life." Romans 6:4
"Our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin." Romans 6:6
"He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked". 1 John 2:6
"For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death." Romans 8:2