A Letter to you pt.2....i forgive you.
I remember it like it was yesterday....Who knew that the biggest impact of my life would happen at the age of 9! I CERTAINLY DIDN'T!!! You were the oldest child in the house and your job was to protect the little ones. You were the brother that we all depended on to take care of us when our parents weren't around. You had that role in the family of protector and we all respected your leadership. Even though your role was to protect us, you were so much more than that. You were fun to be around (your jokes were lame though lol), you were always loyal to the family, and believe it or not you were the apple of my dad's eye ( His favorite lol). You were smart, very disciplined, a hard worker, and we all looked up to you.
But one night everything changed and from that moment I never looked at you the same. I was only 9 years old when you decided to violate my body and opened me up to sexual activity. I was way too young to know what happened, why it happened, and the damage that it would cause me moving forward in my life. You awakened sexual desires on the inside of me that a 9 year old shouldn't have. My trust and respect for you was completely broken. I felt worthless, embarrassed, and very self conscious. I went from looking up to you and respecting you to truly hating every part of you. Little did I know that every relationship from that moment would be effected. My self worth, the way I looked at men, the way I treated people, my thoughts on relationships, the way I trusted people, the love that I gave to others and also myself, would all be tainted. At that time things changed on the inside of me. I started at an early age giving my body over to men and women, but never really my heart. I looked to destroy every man that tried to come into my life. I never trusted anyone, I would always expect the worst. I had developed a mindset of hurting people before they hurt me. I became very defensive, I never wanted to feel taken advantage of again. But growing up I had no idea why I did the things I did, or why I felt the way that I did. I had so many questions about why you did it? how could you do it? what made you continue to cross those boundaries even after you seen all the pain it caused me and the family?
After you died in 2012 I realized the opportunity to forgive you while you were still on this earth was gone, but it was something I had to do internally from my heart. As my relationship with Jesus Christ grew I knew that forgiveness and healing was necessary. I realized that I can't live a life with unforgiveness in my heart and proclaim to be a Christian. We as Christians are to live our lives according to the way Jesus lived his life, and He is the master of forgiveness. A little peak into the character of who Jesus is; after taking the worse beating ever, being mocked, humiliated, rejected,etc. while hanging on the cross Jesus asked God our father to forgive them.. Who is considered "them"? He is referrring to the people who rejected him, beat him, mocked, humiliated and caused him the worse pain of his life (physically, mentally, and emotionally) . (Luke23:32-34) Absouletly AMAZING!!!
We are called to love our enemies, do good to those who hate us, bless those who curse us , and pray for those who spitefully use us. Luke 6:27-28
That is what we are called to do as Christians, even though it can be very hard and the pain or damage that was caused is very much real, we are called to love and forgive.
We are even instructed to be kind to one another and to forgive as God has forgiven us. (Ephesians4:32). And we know that God has forgiven us for many, many things throughout our lifetime.
So I write this to encourage anyone that has ever been through any kind of abuse to open your heart to forgiveness. Opening your heart to forgiveness is for you and your well being. Once you open your heart to true forgiveness you can start the process of healing. God wants you to be whole again. He wants you to view yourself and others the way He does. He wants you to love and forgive the way He loves and forgives. He wants you to live a life in abundance and freedom. He cares so deeply for you and knows every part of you. "But the very hairs of your head are all numbered". (Matthew 10:30) He hear your cries and the Lord is near to those who have a broken heart (Psalms34:17-18). He knows the pain that you have experienced but he promises that All things work together for good to those who love Him (Romans 8:28). It is your job to trust and believe the words He has spoke. I want to encourage you to allow God into your life, you can't do it alone. He is the master at forgiving and healing. Always remember the love God has for you goes way beyond what anyone on this earth can give.
My hearts prayer:
Daddy I come to you with a humble heart. Father I pray for every heart that has been broken through any kind of abuse whether its physical, sexual, or verbal. We know you to be our healer, our protector, and the Shepard of our lives. Father we know your word to be true and we are putting our hope and trust in you. We know we have healing because of your sacrifice on the cross. Father I pray that you soften the hearts of those who has been mistreated and allow your strength to manifest into their lives. I pray that you renew the hearts and minds of those who's perceptions of themselves has been tainted by past disappointments. Father I pray for the abuser. I pray that you place it in their hearts to want to make a change. Help them to understand how much you love them and there is nothing that they have ever done that cant be forgiven. No one is ever too far gone for you Daddy. I know your Word to be true and that you have the power to do all things and nothing shall be impossible for you. I love you and thank you for the transformation that will take place. In Jesus name I pray, Amen...
A letter to you Steve Jenkins, I forgive you and I love you brother...